Nine Is Incredibly Fine

The significance of nine can mean many things. Some cats are said to have nine lives. Nine years is more than many marriages last. There are nine innings in baseball. Nine months can bring forth new life. Nine years can mark the change from a toddler to a teenager or can be the defining times that bring a teenager to adulthood. Cloud 9 denotes great happiness. The number nine holds a special meaning for me this year as it marks nine anniversaries since I heard the words "you have incurable colon cancer." Nine years of new seasons, birthdays, anniversaries, memories, miracles and hope.

In years past, I've described this diagnosis as a battle, a fight, a war, a roller-coaster ride, a merry go round, a voyage, a journey, a seven year itch, and even a dance. All fit, but the greatest gift this year has given me is the realization that I'm not dying from colon cancer. I am living fully in spite of it. I have reaped the benefits of research, a dedicated team of doctors, and increasing options. In my arsenal has been 5fu, levamisole, leucovorin, irinotecan, oxaliplatin, xeloda, three clinical trials, numerous surgeries, Sir-spheres, Gamma Knife radiation, intrathecal chemotherapy, external beam radiation, and vertebroplasty. None of these, other than 5fu, existed when I was diagnosed. It is important that the momentum continue and that research is not thwarted, not only for me and my family but for the families of 1500 others that will lose loved ones today and each day after today.

Treatment keeps life exciting. I respond well and it has become my time for socialization. I honestly can't imagine my life without it anymore....perhaps that dependency has helped foster my survival. In between treatment, not a moment is wasted! I've done things that I would have never attempted without cancer (including sky diving and scuba diving)- lobbying with C3: Colorectal Cancer Coalition and on behalf of SIR-spheres, speaking, meeting new people and telling a very private story in extremely public places. My life has touched others as they have touched mine and increased my understanding of hope. Hope is a guiding force in life and is the closest thing to a magic wand. It is the golden gossamer thread that harvests happiness, opens possibilities, promises a future, and encourages getting lost in the moment. With hope, I glimpse the "all of life" and the "muchness" within every waking minute. For nine years I have lived with a gift that many never have the opportunity to open. It is the gift of NOW. My children have nine years of journals and thoughts for every step of their youth, pictures and love, memories and moments, and an awareness that not many their age experience. My husband and I have learned to embrace every day and we have a strong appreciation for the present day.

Nine signifies the number of borrowed years that I have enjoyed. On this day nine years ago I was handed a death sentence....one that we are each handed the minute we are born...but never fully understand. Cancer provides that clarity. It was never expected that I would see the dawn of the new year, my children grow up, another anniversary with my husband, and definitely not my 40th birthday. Much has happened in these past nine years. Every day is a blessing. Nine is incredibly fine!

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